Vipassana: My full experience.

Recently, I had the privilege of undergoing a 10-day Vipassana meditation course, and the experience left an indelible mark on my life. The serene setting, rigorous practice, and profound insights I gained during this time opened doors to a realm of peace, deepened awareness, and a surprising calmness in the face of past triggers.

I applied to vipassana in late April, thankful to the little notification I set up as the spots are known to fill up fast. I got the confirmation for my acceptance a few days later. Almost immediately I became nervous at the enormity of it all. Mostly the lack of communication, lack of income and fear of something going wrong in my business and not being able to address it. As time went on there were moments where I convinced myself I was not going to go. Knowing I was pregnant, I was unsure about when my next opportunity might be to go, so I decided I could take the leap.

It was getting down to the final weeks and even then still mentally not fully committed. I decided the smart thing to do was to be mentally prepared, so I started reading blogs and others insights into their experience. Here you are reading mine, I will say, take everything with a grain of salt. Its an extremely personal experience.

A six hour drive to Blackhealth, Blue Mountains, was a good intro into what was to come.

As I entered the meditation center, nestled amidst nature's beauty, a sense of anticipation mingled with a touch of nervousness. Honestly, the most nerve wracking moment was passing over my phone. We checked in and got given our room allocations (so thankful I got a single room with an ensuite). The first night began with a delicious dinner and an intro into the rules of the course.

The retreat demanded silence, discipline, and a vow to observe Noble Silence - refraining from all forms of communication, eye contact, and even gestures. This enforced silence initially seemed daunting. Honestly the silence was the easiest part and the most interesting. Trying to refrain from eye contact and gestures proved harder and found some people accidentally using them. There was a time that made me laugh when the bubbler wouldn’t turn off and we all took turns to try and turn it off without interaction with one another. One person used the stop signal immediately realising what they had done.

After dinner we began learning about the technique, and started with an hours meditation. Heading to bed at 9pm, the next day we were instructed that the gong (initially thought is was going to be peaceful, turned out to feel very ominous) was to wake us up at 4am.

The practice:

From the very beginning, Vipassana taught me the importance of being fully present in the moment. Through the practice of anapana meditation, which focuses on the breath, I learned to observe my thoughts without judgment. Many people tend to call this a retreat which is in a way, a retreat from society, and from interaction, stimulation from others and various forms of media, but it is a course. The technique of vipassana is drip fed over four days. Teaching you and deepening your understanding of the why’s of the practice.

Each day consisted of around 10+ hours of meditation some done in the meditation hall some in your own room. Hot tip: it really helped me to move locations, stretch, to get a refresh in between sessions. I likely meditated equally in the hall and in my room which I found was helpful for continuing my practice outside vipassana.

I was nervous about the tortuous nature of meditation and the alarming number of ours we would be meditating in a day. Initially I found it hard but as time passed by day four. I found time slipped by quickly in the meditation, and was ready to get back into meditation after breaks. As when on breaks after breakfast, lunch and dinner you could go for walks, lay on the grass or nap and although enjoyable, there’s only so much of that you can do. I did find a couple of ducks and ants that were very entertaining to watch. For me I actually felt relieved when we moved into meditation as it was “something to do”.

Without the meditation portion of this course, it would be torturous. The meditation gradually led to a deep sense of inner peace. As the days passed, I felt a growing detachment from the constant stream of thoughts that usually cluttered my mind.

Deepening Awareness

Not to give away too much but the crux of vipassana meditation is deepening awareness to the macro and the most subtle sensations and thoughts. Vipassana meditation, the heart of the course, was a revelation in itself. With closed eyes and a heightened awareness, I explored the sensations on different parts of my body. The technique required me to observe these sensations objectively, without craving or aversion. This practice of equanimity was profoundly transformative. It taught me that my reactions were often driven by unconscious impulses linked to these sensations. By observing them without judgment, I could begin to break free from these conditioned responses.

Calm Reactions to Past Triggers

One of the most striking outcomes of the retreat was how it altered my reactions to past triggers. Through the practice of Vipassana, I became increasingly aware of the patterns that governed my responses. As I observed the arising and passing away of sensations, I realized that my emotional reactions were no different—they were temporary and impermanent. Armed with this realization, I found myself responding to triggers with a newfound calmness. The grip these triggers held over me began to loosen, and I was able to approach them with a sense of equanimity.

Challenges and Breakthroughs

The journey was not without its challenges. The intensity of the practice, coupled with the rigorous daily schedule, tested my perseverance. Yet, with each passing day, I felt a deepening sense of resilience. The physical discomfort and mental restlessness I initially encountered gradually transformed into breakthroughs. I learned to observe these challenges with the same equanimity I applied to sensations, ultimately realizing that they too were fleeting.

I mentioned to a friend that this is my marathon. For me it didn’t feel unmanageable, but when mentioning to others, there was the mention that they would never be able to do that. Which is my general reaction to marathons!

A real breakthrough for me was realising the inner drama I cause. As I said before. There was a faulty bubbler near the meditation hall, on the second day I tried to use it and couldn't turn it off. An embarrassment to see water go to waste for an Australian. Someone came and immediately turned it off for me. They were sitting behind me in the hall and my head was reeling. “I am an idiot” “Wow they must think I am dumb”. The next day I saw three seperate instances and issues with that same bubbler including a member of staff there. A deep realisation came over me, that I have a deep tendency to make stories up about myself in my own head, there was no verbal interaction to sustain any of this or anything else to read into.

I unfortunately had to leave due to a death in the family, but felt I could have pressed on for the remaining days. I didn’t get to donate as they only allow donations for those who have completed the course.

The food

Honestly one of the best parts. All vegetarian with vegan options. I also found there was also always legumes or some sort of vegetarian protein. So found it quite balanced. Oats and toast for breakfast. Dinner normally is fruit, as I was pregnant I got leftovers from lunch. Which was a lifesaver for me.

The facilities:

As I was pregnant I did get a few perks, I speculate that I got a single room which was wonderful, so can’t make comment on the rooms that had a few people sharing. Everything was fairly simple but clean and worked well. The grounds were beautiful and plant filled beautiful to sit out and have a cup of tea.

The weather:

I was there in July which was very cold, I made sure to pack lots of warm clothes which really helped and felt it was manageable. They supply blankets and you can always ask for extra.

They supply you with a recommended list of items, stick to that, they know what they are talking about.

Warnings:

I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone doing deep work with PTSD, psychosis or any other disorders. I didn’t feel alarmed or triggered by the thoughts arising. This isn’t a heal all (nothing is) but I would recommend doing some work with a psychologist or other therapists before venturing on this journey. Saying this, it is a wonderful way to explore the inner mind. I speculate that I found the experience more blissful than troubling as I have done previous work on the inner workings of my mind and awareness. If this is new work to you it may be a bit more of a rocky experience.

My experience at the Vipassana retreat was nothing short of transformative and . It was a voyage that led me from the noise of the external world to the quietude of my inner self. Through the practices of anapana and Vipassana meditation, I discovered a profound sense of peace and heightened awareness. The technique's emphasis on equanimity gifted me with a renewed perspective on my reactions to past triggers, those large and small, allowing me to approach them with newfound calmness.

As I re-entered the world after those 8 days, the lessons I learned continued to resonate and unfurl within me. The journey was not just a mere meditation course; it was a voyage into the depths of my own consciousness. The experience has left an enduring impact, guiding me towards a path of mindfulness and self-awareness in my everyday life. If you're seeking a transformative experience that connects you with your inner self, Vipassana meditation might just be the key to unlocking the door to peace and self-discovery. I would recommend it to anyone.

To note: I have had a 6 year consistent meditation practice and have done a lot of inner work, and found this to prove helpful. I would liken this to a detox of sorts, if your ready to go headfirst and have a purge, you may not need a previous practice. If you would like a gentler approach and work towards this start your meditation journey. I would recommend signing up for in person classes or training (e.g. vedic meditation) or there are many online meditation groups and courses that encourage consistency.